we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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