I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize