I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
