If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Still dying that you shit outside
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
