Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
