If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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