that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
