we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
