nut hugger
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
