Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
