I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
