Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
is it fun? or sober?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
