It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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