This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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