Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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