remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There's even glitter on my cock...
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