I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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