loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
