Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
