I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
