I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
