Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
