There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
