Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
