He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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