the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
