ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
