the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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