very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
