I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
