So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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