By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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