Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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