You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
