we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
