I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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