I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
