Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize