I cannot find my penis.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
