So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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