Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize