Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
