If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
