Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
