i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
