I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
