Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
