I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize