Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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