I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
