I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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