I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
