If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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