Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
