I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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