I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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