is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
