I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
