No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
