I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
