You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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