I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
