Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
