i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
