he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
