i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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