I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
